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Boost Your Libido: Ten Things You Can Do Today to Get Your Mojo Back

Amy Sedgwick June 10, 2015

Whether you’re navigating menopause or parenthood, suffering from the effects of hormonal birth control, or experiencing an unexplained libido mismatch with your partner, having a low sex drive can be frustrating at best and a relationship crusher at worst. Before you throw up your arms and turn to pharmacological solutions (with a whole host of their own side effects) consider implementing some of the natural solutions below.

1. Get the ball rolling. While we don’t want to suggest doing something you don’t want to, sometimes it can be helpful to just get started (as long as there’s no pressure to continue). You may find that after reading some erotica, listening to some sultry tunes, or making out with your partner that you’re in the mood to take it further. Or maybe not. That’s the key – to make sure it’s about staying in the moment rather than focusing on a particular end goal.

2. Make sure the sex you are having is pleasurable. It’s a lot easier to get excited about getting it on when you know it’ll be good for you. You’ve probably heard us talk about the statistic that 70% of women need some kind of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. If you’re in that category, we highly recommend including activities like oral sex and manual stimulation, and/or using a vibe.

3. Get movin’ and groovin’. Exercise can do wonders for your mood (hello endorphins!). Activities like walking, yoga and Pilates are especially helpful for boosting your libido because they increase blood flow to the pelvis. If you don’t currently have an exercise practice, we suggest starting small.  For instance, we do a series of stretches three times a day that only take about five minutes (they help pass the time while we’re waiting for the kettle to boil). Our office mates get a kick out of us turning the lunchroom into our own personal yoga studio ;)

4. Soak up some sun. Ever notice you feel friskier in the summer than the winter? There’s a reason for that - Vitamin D! Vitamin D is a pro-hormone (meaning it’s used to build hormones in our body) so a deficiency can cause a number of problems, including a lower sex drive. Researchers estimate that about 75% of us aren’t getting enough Vitamin D naturally, so to compensate we recommend taking a supplement. Check out our online dispensary to find out about our favourite brands. 

5. Cook up some libido-boosting foods. Stuffing yourself with oysters won't magically supercharge your libido, but dietary changes can make a big difference. In general a whole foods diet that is low in sugar, alcohol and caffeine (which we should be doing anyway, right?) is the way to go. You'll also want to add a few foods to your diet that can help to balance your sex hormones. You can grab some inspiration by clicking the image below.

6. Catch some Zzzs. If you have trouble getting to sleep, you’re not alone. A survey found that 8.6 million Americans are taking sleeping pills (and the majority of those are women).  To help get a better night sleep naturally, we suggest ensuring your room is dark. Amy got blackout curtains and it made a huge difference, or you could try a sleep mask. More serious sleep difficulties are usually hormonally related and/or caused by nutrient deficiencies (like magnesium). Consult your holistic practitioner for support if you suffer from chronic insomnia, or consider registering for our Hormonal Tune-Up program, which addresses this issue.

7. Unplug, literally. Your bed should be for sleeping (and getting it on!) not checking email. We suggest leaving phones and laptops outside the bedroom so that you can focus on your partner, not your cranky boss. 

8. Send a sexy text to your sweetie (or get them to send one to you). When Kim coaches clients and friends on their sex lives she often uncovers a mismatch in expectations. One partner may have spent the day getting revved up thinking about sexy scenarios for when they get home, while the other may have been dreaming about spending the evening in sweats in front of the TV. So when they meet up, their "heads" are in pretty different places. One way to help get on the same page is to send fun texts during the day detailing what you’d like to do when you see each other. Not only will this help make sure you have the same vision for the night, but it also helps build anticipation and arousal.

9. Meditate. There’s no question that stress is a serious libido killer. It’s hard to get in the mood when your mind is focused on work, money, and your mile-long to-do list. Plus, stress impacts our hormones. If you only choose to implement one thing on this list, we highly recommend you make it stress management. Personally we’ve found meditation to be the most effective tool. If you don’t have a meditation practice and you’re looking for inspiration, check out Stop Breathe and Think.

10. Know your cycle. If you are menstruating, knowing your cycle is an important tool in understanding your libido. Many of Amy’s clients (and their partners) refer to the post-ovulatory phase of their cycle as the “drought season.” This phase of the cycle has naturally lowered testosterone and decreased lubrication. This means it can be less comfortable to have sex, and take longer to get aroused. By tracking your cycle you’ll have a better sense of how your libido naturally waxes and wanes, and you and your partner can plan accordingly. If you’re on hormonal birth control, you may want to consider ditching it, since a lot of research shows that hormonal contraception (ironically!) has a negative effect on libido.

Have a friend who might benefit from this info? Click the "Share" button at the bottom left of this post to share this article on your favourite social media channel. 

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Kim & Amy Sedgwick love to discuss sex, periods, and all the other things we’re not supposed to talk about. The co-founders of Red Tent Sisters and ecosex.ca, they’ve been featured in every major Canadian news outlet and have become a trusted resource for women seeking natural (effective!) birth control, a more joyful sex life, and an empowered journey to motherhood.

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Kim & Amy Sedgwick love to discuss sex, periods, and all the other things we’re not supposed to talk about. The co-founders of  Red Tent Sisters , they’ve been featured in every major Canadian news outlet and have become a trusted resource for people seeking natural (effective!) birth control, a more joyful sex life, and an empowered journey to motherhood.

Kim & Amy Sedgwick love to discuss sex, periods, and all the other things we’re not supposed to talk about. The co-founders of Red Tent Sisters, they’ve been featured in every major Canadian news outlet and have become a trusted resource for people seeking natural (effective!) birth control, a more joyful sex life, and an empowered journey to motherhood.

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Spending the day sending my Confidence Building Secrets course out into the world and sipping coffee from the same @goodvibestoys mug that was gifted to me when I first launched this program. #pleasureisyourbirthright
In 2017 I was deep in reflection mode thanks to my CTI coaching program. One of my many “aha” moments was that I had a tendency to avoid difficult conversations in my relationships. If I was hurt or angry, I’d keep it to myself or share it with everyone but my partner. Inevitably, those feelings would manifest as passive-aggressive behavior or lead to conversations that included accusations like, “you never”. In other words, I would make gross generalizations that of course put the other person on the defensive and guaranteed that what I was trying to express wouldn’t be received. I knew the importance of good communication but somehow that knowledge wasn’t translating into action. 
Drawing on what I’d learned from my training program, immersing myself in the work of people like Esther Perel, Brené Brown, and Harriet Lerner, and reflecting on my own coaching practice, I put together a framework for how I wanted to engage with my partner. The process poured out of me in one sitting. It’s what Amy and I like to call “channeling” – that feeling when an idea flows effortlessly. 
The framework is based on three general principles:

We don’t need to share everything in order to be authentic. There are some things that are better processed with a friend, a therapist/coach, or a journal. 
Be clear with yourself first about what you need to get out of the conversation. You can’t get what you don’t ask for.

There are three “people” in every relationship – you, your partner and the relationship. You’re not responsible for the other person and you can’t change their behavior. You can change how you show up in the relationship and that will have a ripple effect.

I’ve had the opportunity to “test” my framework several times with my new partner and all I can say is this sh*t makes a difference. It truly feels like the culmination of my career thus far and I can’t wait to share it with you all. I’m still fine-tuning and tweaking, but I know I’m on to something. Amy is holding me accountable and helping me turn this into what I know it is meant to be – a book. Until then, if you feel like communication is something that you would like coaching on, click the link in bio.
Enjoying a lie-down on our favourite lake. #silentlake #sistertime
Sister time! #leslieville #40thbirthday
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Red Tent Sisters

Holistic Reproductive, Fertility & Sexuality Solutions

Kim & Amy Sedgwick are the Co-Founders of Red Tent Sisters, a business that has been providing holistic fertility, sexuality and contraceptive solutions since 2007. Amy is trained as a Holistic Reproductive Health Practitioner who specializes in helping women coming off the pill adopt natural, effective birth control using the Justisse Method. Kim runs their “sister” business, ecosex.ca (Canada’s first eco-friendly sexuality store) and coaches women who are ready to begin claiming and communicating their erotic desires. Together they provide support to women worldwide through their online courses, YouTube videos, and social media channels, and are known for their professional yet candid sisterly advice.

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