In my twelve years as a sex educator, I've done a lot of informal research asking people what turns them on.
The most common answer? Confidence.
Confidence comes from believing you can do something well. The tricky part is that belief usually requires some skills. And yet when it comes to sex, there's an expectation that we should know what to do without any guidance.
To complicate matters, the training we do receive tends to come either from sex education in school (which generally focuses on all the things not to do) or from porn, which is all about what looks good on camera rather than what actually feels good.
It's time for education that's practical, effective, and focused on pleasure.
That's where the Confidence Building Secrets programs come in. I am blessed to have a deeply satisfying sex life... now. But that hasn't always been the case. My journey has been riddled with the common fumbles that are characteristic of everyone's sex lives... I just happen to have had an open family, three older sisters, a willingness to talk about my experiences, and ran a sex store full of great props and educational resources for five years.
I'm not here to stand on a pedestal and tell you what to do. Instead, the courses I've put together are designed to offer the kind of advice you'd expect to get from a best friend who just happens to also have over twelve years of experience working in the field of sexual health.
WHAT ARE THE CONFIDENCE BUILDING SECRETS PROGRAMS?
The Confidence Building programs are companion courses - Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring HIM and Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring HER - that offer practical tools to expand your bedroom repertoire.
When you register, you'll receive six lessons filled with tips and suggested homework, as well as a link to a step-by-step video demonstrating each topic. You'll be taught a number of techniques (for example, six specific ways to use your hands to manually stimulate a penis) so that you can experiment and discover what works best for you and your partner.
"I just finished the first online class and I wanted to thank you. I had been feeling a little anxious about signing up, but your friendly, calm style put me at ease."
HOW WILL THIS CLASS HELP ME?
Much of my early learning about sexuality came from reading books. However, I found it difficult to grasp some of the techniques - it can be challenging to learn how to do a physical action by reading about it. It was only when I started attending sexuality workshops and watching instructional films that things really came together for me. Knowing this, I decided to make the Confidence Building Secrets programs unique and include both written and video content. This combination of resources will make it easy for you to know just what to do (no more guessing!)
"Thank you for putting together such a wonderful course. Each week I look forward to your lovely emails. They have been helping me tremendously with my confidence and sense of play"
SO, WHAT'S INCLUDED?
When you register you'll receive six lessons. Each one will include a link to a video demonstrating that week's topic, along with references and suggested homework.
Here's what we cover in Confidence Building Secrets For Pleasuring HIM:
Introduction: In our first module I'll provide an overview of the course along with my philosophy on sex. I will also have a video demonstration of anatomy (on a dildo).
Hand jobs: Our second module will include a step-by-step guide to giving a great hand job.
Blowjobs: Our third module will include detailed instructions on how to give phenomenal blow jobs. I'll cover how to avoid gag reflexes, jaw pain, and neck stiffness.
Vaginal Intercourse: The content of the fourth module will cover positions for intercourse that are best for male pleasure, female pleasure, or optimized for both.
Anal play: In this module we will cover prostate stimulation, and how to have anal sex that’s pleasurable for both of you.
Toys and props: Our final week will cover how to introduce vibrators into couple play, and tips for using props from around the house.
The Confidence-Building Secrets for Pleasuring Her program follows a similar format.
Here's What We Cover in Confidence Building Secrets For Pleasuring HER:
Introduction: In our first lesson I'll provide an overview of the course along with my philosophy on sex. I will also have a video demonstration of anatomy (on a vulva mould).
Manual Stimulation: Lesson two will include a step-by-step guide to pleasuring your partner using only your hands.
Oral Sex: The third lesson will include detailed instructions on how to give phenomenal cunnilingus.
Vaginal Intercourse: In the fourth lession I’ll share the best positions for intercourse – how to stimulate her clitoris, hit her g-spot and provide a fuller, deeper sensation.
Anal play: In the fifth class I’ll share why women are often reluctant to explore anal stimulation and provide tips on how you can offer a completely different experience.
Toys and props: In our final session together I’ll cover how to introduce vibrators into your repertoire (trust me, toys are your friend!) as well as tips for using props from around the house.
"ARE THERE LIVE DEMONSTRATIONS?"
My intention is to offer an alternative to explicit films so all the demonstrations are done by me (clothed) using props. For example, I use a dildo to show you how to use your tongue during oral sex and I have a life-size vulva mould to demonstrate techniques for pleasuring her.
"Your videos are extremely educational and approachable. I am on the timid side and felt so much better/empowered after watching them. Thank you SO much." ~Anna
ARE THESE PROGRAMS trans affirming? What about those who are not in heterosexual relationships?
I created these programs to address the particular dynamics and challenges of cisgendered men and women in heterosexual relationships. While my hope is that the techniques taught in these courses can be used by people of all genders and sexual orientations, the content and language do have a heterosexual focus - something we intend to update in programs going forward.
I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE A PARTNER. SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP TO SIGN UP?
That's entirely up to you, but personally I'm a huge proponent of exploring your sexuality when you're single. Not only is this a great time to get to know your own body, but it's also an opportunity to think about the kinds of activities you'd like to try in the future when you do have a partner. It can be easy to fall into "people-pleasing" mode when it comes to sex, so having the opportunity to discover what turns you on - without worrying about anyone else - can be really empowering. All that self-awareness and confidence can do wonders for your next relationship ;)
You'll see that there are suggested homework assignments and some of these will be tricky to do solo (like experimenting with intercourse positions). However, others can easily be practiced using a dildo or another prop.
Can you tell me again what I can expect to receive?
When you sign up for Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring HIM or Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring HER, you'll receive lessons covering the following:
Toys and Props
Each module contains a 7-10 minute video with practical, step-by-step instructions on the featured topic. You'll also receive a suggested homework assignment, resources for further reading/exploration, and tip sheets.
"Sounds Great!" How Do I Enroll?
You can start any time! Please note we don’t have a fancy system for delivering this course, so we’ll be sending the content out ourselves. However, we guarantee you’ll receive your course in your inbox within 24 hours. If you don't see it, we suggest checking your spam or promotions folder (if you're using gmail) . Email providers tend to get overzealous when it comes to sex related content ;)
The cost is $194 for Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring Him and Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring Her. However, from February 7th to February 14th you receive both courses for just $97. You can also upgrade and receive a 30-minute private online coaching session with Kim ($150 value) for just $147.