Since 2007, when we first opened Red Tent Sisters (at that time a brick-and-mortar shop in Toronto's East End), I've been hearing from people who are distressed about libido - either their own or their partner's. Because sexual pleasure and libido are as much about the mind as they are about our body, it can feel like trying to untangle a knot made up of many threads to pinpoint the original cause (or causes) of low libido.
Apparently I wasn't the only one to notice that there was a large population of people seeking a "solution" to low female desire. In 2015, Flibanserin, coined "the pink Viagara", was introduced onto the market. It was largely a flop. While I can't say I was surprised, it wasn't until I read Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are that I had a good framework for describing why. Emily describes how a larger percentage of cisgender women* experience "responsive" vs "spontaneous" desire, meaning there needs to be a clear stimulus in order to create arousal. Furthermore, Nagoski describes how our libido has both "gas" and "brakes" - things that turn us on and things that turn us off. In my hot air balloon analogy, it is fruitless to try to put more gas into our libido (i.e., a drug that is supposed to stimulate desire) if we are still tied to the ground!
I put the Libido Lift program together as an answer to all those who have asked me over the years how to improve their libido, naturally. This program focuses on both sides of the equation (the gas and the brakes) in order to help you step into the fullest possible expression of your sexual life.
*Emily Nagoski's book is research-based and unfortunately most of the studies to date have focused on cisgender women and excluded trans folks.
WHAT IS THE Libido Lift PROGRAM?
Libido Lift is for individuals who are dissatisfied with their sexual desire or who are experiencing relationship challenges as a result of a "mismatch" with their partner. Using the "dual control model" of sexual response developed at the Kinsey Institute, this program is designed to identify your unique “brakes” (the stresses, insecurities and logistics that are hindering your libido) and your “accelerator” (the things that turn you on) and then give you specific, actionable steps to decrease and increase them respectively.
Examples of things that put the "brakes" on our libido are:
- Relationship strain
- Lack of privacy
- Lack of confidence
Examples of things that may increase the "gas" are:
- Erotica tailored to our unique desires
- Actions by our partner that we find sexy or romantic
- Activities we can do with our partner that promote physical touch and affection (e.g., dancing, massage)
Libido Lift incorporates private one-on-one coaching, holistic nutrition support (diet plays a huge role in our hormonal health and physiological responsiveness), relationship scripts and homework assignments in order to help you reclaim your libido, naturally.
WHY THIS PROGRAM? WHY NOW?
As I mentioned above, we seem to be living in an age of concern about female desire. Some of that attention is great, because it is a side of the equation that has long been ignored. However, on the flip side, there is a lot of pressure to live up to some theoretical idea of how much sex we "should" be having. With the promotion of the "pink Viagara" our libido is pathologized and oversimplified. My intention with Libido Lift is to help you achieve the libido and sex life you desire - whatever that may be for you. There is no "right level." There is only where you are and where you'd like to be. Bridging that gap is not about "fixing" you. It is about enabling the sexual part of you to be fully expressed.
SO, WHAT'S INVOLVED?
The program has four components, spread over six weeks:
1. Assessment: In this first phase, you will complete an online health assessment that is designed to help us get a better idea of your hormonal health. Estrogen and testosterone are key players in libido, and we need optimal nutrition and menstrual cycle health in order for these hormones to do their job. We will also provide you with a detailed questionnaire to help assess your desire style, and the things that turn you on and off.
2. Education: In this second phase, our in-house Holistic Nutritionist and I will provide you with a report of our findings along with a list of personalized recommendations for both inside and outside the bedroom.
3. Implementation: In the third phase of the program you will implement the changes we have recommended over a series of four weeks. During that time you will have the opportunity to reflect and share your progress by email, ask questions, and make adjustments to your approach.
4. Reassessment: Lastly, in the fourth and final stage of the program, you will have the opportunity to meet with me to review your progress, ask questions, and get advanced tips and suggestions.
HOW IS THE PROGRAM DELIVERED?
When you register for the Libido Lift program you will receive:
Who is this program for?
Most of my training and research thus far has focused on cisgender women and that is also my own personal experience. As a result, I am most familiar with the physiological aspects of desire as they relate to female anatomy and physiology, as well as the unique social constructs that affect women and girls raised in our culture. With that in mind, this program is designed for self-identified women of all sexual orientations. It is also important to note that much of the work we'll be doing together is focused on naturally addressing hormone levels as they relate to sexual functioning. As a result, this program is not the right fit if you are currently on medications that are designed to alter those levels, such as hormonal birth control and hormone replacement therapy. If you have any questions about the suitability of the Libido Lift program, please contact us.
I DON'T CURRENTLY HAVE A PARTNER. SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP TO SIGN UP?
That is entirely up to you. The program is designed to help you experience the desire that you want - whether that's with a partner or with yourself. There are often unique brakes that come up with partnered play, including the pressure to "match" the other person. However, if you commit to working through some of the other elements before you enter a partnership, you'll be in a much better place to handle any new challenges that may arise.
CAN YOU REVIEW EXACTLY WHAT I CAN EXPECT TO RECEIVE WHEN I REGISTER FOR THIS PROGRAM?
When you register for Libido Lift, you are investing in four hours of private, one-on-one support, as well as personalized homework assignments, customized resources and much more.
Over the course of six weeks you’ll receive:
- A one hour libido assessment by phone or Skype with myself, Kim Sedgwick
- A one hour hormonal assessment by phone or Skype with our Holistic Nutritionist, Raeanne Perry
- A personalized health action plan prepared by Raeanne, delivered to you in a one hour education session
- A personalized Pleasure Plan prepared by myself and delivered in a half hour consultation
- Four weekly online libido self-assessments with optional space for journal reflections, to be shared with myself
- One half-hour follow-up consultation with me at the end of your program to review your progress and map out the next stages of your pleasure plan
This SOUNDS LIKE EXACTLY WHAT I NEED. WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?
If this program sounds right for you, I invite you to enrol today. I will contact you within the week to discuss the program and answer any questions you may have. We'll also make arrangements for when to conduct your first session (by phone or Skype).
Please note that due to the high volume of one-on-one time provided in this program, we cannot provide refunds.
REGISTER FOR Libido Lift
I've seen firsthand how addressing the underlying root causes of libido issues can increase confidence and joy in all areas of your life. I look forward to helping you experience a similar transformation and enjoy the life you deserve, both inside and outside the bedroom. And, if you have chosen not to register (or decided to wait), I want to thank you for trusting your intuition about what's right for you.
If you have any questions you would like to ask me that would help in making your decision, please don't hesitate to reach out.
With love and gratitude,