Curious to try anal play but not sure where to start? How to make your adventures pleasurable, safe and fun.
Here are the top five things you need to know if you're thinking of trying anal stimulation, penetration or intercourse:
#1. Go slowly. If you’re not warmed up, your muscles will be tight and it’s going to hurt. That’s why it’s important to spend lots of time building arousal. Once you do engage in penetration, you need to go very, very slowly. I can’t stress this enough – anal sex is not designed for a quickie!
#2. Lubricate! Remember, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate so lube is an absolute necessity. I suggest something thick that stays put. Oils aren’t compatible with condoms so your best bet is to stick with water-based lubricants like Hathor or Sliquid Gel. Please don’t use desensitizing creams – if you’re numb you can’t listen to your body’s clues to slow down. Plus, anal sex should be pleasurable, not painful. How are you going to enjoy it if you can’t feel what’s going on?
#3. Communicate. This is important for all aspects of sexuality, but especially when it comes to anal sex. You need to let your partner know how things are feeling – whether they need to slow down, change angles, apply more lubricant. I should also point out the importance of communicating before you get started. There are some practical considerations (like when they had their last bowel movement) that need to be discussed, so make sure you have a chat before things heat up.
#4. Consider investing in anal toys. If you’re going to use an anal toy, please make sure it has a flared base. Unlike the vagina where things can only go so far before hitting the cervix, items can get lost in the anal canal and this could lead to a rather uncomfortable visit to the emergency room. While I’m usually an advocate for DIY fun, in this case I highly recommend spending a few bucks to get a properly designed anal toy.
#5. Safety and hygiene are key. To avoid any unpleasant infections, there are a few things to keep in mind. If you’re using a toy, I suggest choosing one that’s made of silicone so that it can be easily sterilized in boiling water. If you’re being penetrated with a penis I highly recommend using a condom and remember not to “double dip” – if it’s been in the butt, it can’t go in the vagina. Lastly, dental dams should be used for anilingus (oral stimulation of the anus).
Most importantly, listen to your body. Anal sex should never hurt. If it does, you’re doing something wrong! Slow down, change positions, add more lube. If it still doesn’t feel good, please don’t force it.
If you’re interested in learning more, I dedicate a week to anal stimulation in my self-paced online video course, Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring Him and Confidence Building Secrets for Pleasuring Her. Enter the coupon code "backdoor" to receive 20% off :)
Kim & Amy Sedgwick love to discuss sex, periods, and all the other things we’re not supposed to talk about. The co-founders of Red Tent Sisters and ecosex.ca, they’ve been featured in every major Canadian news outlet and have become a trusted resource for women seeking natural (effective!) birth control, a more joyful sex life, and an empowered journey to motherhood.